I have a question for all of the Doctors in our group. They can be medical, physical, animal, philosophy, witch or voodoo. I don't care, as long as they can provide an answer.
My body has changed in the past few years, and it has caused me to wonder why. It is not only me; I have noticed that other men have the same affliction and probably some of you that I haven't seen in 50 years. Women, however, seem to have escaped this malady.
My weight and waist size have pretty much remained the same (big) during this experience. It doesn't seem to improve with age, nor does it get any worse.
My question to the extinguished doctors is this, what happened to my butt? My wife used to tell me that I had a cute butt, but now she says pull up your pants and where is your butt. I am not alone in this, if you see a man our age walking into Wal-Mart pulling up his pants; you can bet he has lost his ass. The younger generation looks like they have the same problem, but they wear their pants so low on purpose and I don't know how they keep them up. They must pin the pants to their shirts or keep their hands in their pockets to keep them from falling.
This has the potential of being very embarrassing or maybe illegal. The other day, I was working in our garden and when I stood up, my pants went down around my ankles. Now this was in a fenced in backyard, so nobody saw me, but think what the result would be if that had happened in public. I would have scared the hell out of everybody around me and then been arrested for decent exposure.
So please everybody tell me, what happened to my butt, and is there anything I can do to reverse this. I don't like suspenders and I tighten my belt as much as possible, but my pants keep slipping down. I will gladly try any solution you give me.
11 comments:
Richard, your butt is still there. You have just lost much of your sight and all of your feeling. The reason your pants fall down is that you forget to use your buttons and zipper. That is most likely the result of advancing age and/or the result of a dangerous desire for attention.
Now, possibly the reason your wife does not continue to brag about your butt is that she really doesn't care a heckofalot anymore. If she brags or inquires about your body or your vitality what the devil are you going to do about it?
Dr. Faustus
Mine's gone too, Dick. Perhaps Phil has the correct answer, but now we know why old men start wearing suspenders--nothing to hold their pants up!
I also like the idea of being arrested for "decent exposure." Dick has a pretty inflated opinion of his nether regions, don't you think?
I am going to give you an answer, and if you will send me your medicare number, I can bill medicare instead of you. The diagnosis is "old male syndrome". You can change this by taking female hormones, and then you would look more like your wife and she would think you were "cute" again. By the way, I wonder if your wife has good visual acuity, because I never thought you had a cute butt. R. Wayne Woodruff, M.D.
Wayne, what are you, a butt inspector?
As far as charging me, I imagine you are like me, when everyone I know, and some I don't know. ask for free tax advice. I just saying I'm retired and don't keep up with the tax laws anymore. That usually sends them somewhere else.
I just noticed I had made a lot of typo and grammer errors in my post. Please eccept my apology.
Also, Phil, don't judge everyone by yourself.
Yes, Dick, I was a professional butt inspector for the last 40 years and when someone asked me why I would do that job, my reply was always "better than looking in someone's mouth". I really don't mind giving free medical advice, but like everything else, you get what you pay for. And we don't expect a CPA to be able to spell and have good grammar, especially if they took English from Ms. Voss.
Seldom do I wish I was a bit younger. At the same time, it seems that I missed quite a lot by leaving Cedar Vale before Ms. Voss arrived. Alas, (with my insight) most likely I would have thought that she was a wonderful teacher and would not have realized her other ... her other assets.
Dick, you shouldn't feel so down about your wife's more recent lack of attention to your butt. Sadly, it must be admitted that my wife (nor anyone) has ever called my posterior "cute". It is a bit hurtful for me to admit the only part of my anatomy that has been called "cute".
Now here comes the Vet to explain this syndrome. Dick when your hips and your ass were as big or bigger than your waist there was no problem. Now that your waist has overtaken your ass it is simple physics--Newton's Law.
Damm computer. I thought it would make me seem smart like the rest of you people. Didn't work, I think I'll sue.
So, you think our comments show us to be smart??
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