Friday, October 19, 2007

Pebbles


By Gary White

Perhaps it is a symptom of my advancing age that I can remember driving out east of Cedar Vale across the Caney River valley more clearly than what I did or what I saw yesterday. I can see those old gray concrete arches of the bridge ahead better than the golden arches I passed by on Cerrillios Road here in Santa Fe just this morning. Perhaps it is some long suppressed desire to turn over all the loose pebbles of my memory, those fleeting images that somehow got printed on the photographic plate of my mind in hopes of finding the piece that will make the whole jigsaw puzzle of my life fit together in some neat and consistent pattern. Whatever it is, I seem to be in this reflective, sifting mode and what I read on our blog confirms that I’m not alone in this. I sense that a lot of us are jogging our memories and finding out that the tiny town we left behind without looking back was really a very complex, fascinating place to grow up in.

Sure, we are bound to turn over a few painful memories in the process. My personal hope for all of us is that we can forgive without having to forget. I tried the forgetting method for most of my life and all it got me was a fragmented self. Now, I hope I’m ready to forgive those bullies who chased me home from grade school and all the other little slights that I thought I was forgetting by getting away from CV. Maybe somewhere in this process I will discover myself, whole and unscarred. Or, at least I can enjoy the rich colors that flood my memory when I think back on those days.

Thanks for being on the journey with me.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

Gary, I have enjoyed your articles on the blog. Loved the picture of the bridge . As you said in your last blog, we all carried away memories of Cedarvale--some good --some not so good. As you get older, you realize that the not so good things aren't important anymore. Naomi Howell

Phil Foust said...

Thank you, Gary ... for allowing us all to reflect and share our memories of Cedar Vale. Age has made me aware that the importance of individual events in our lives is not easily assessed.

Ultimately, as you so eruditely point out ... each event or piece may be important to solve "the puzzle". Your provision of this vehicle may be the process for many of us to more fully understand the importance of life experiences that our early lives provided.

Dick Williams said...

I remember Squirrly (Virgil) Hill said he caught a catfish below that bridge that was so big that it pulled him into the river and he crawled on its back and rode it around until he wore it out.

Gary White said...

I've seen some big catfish pulled out of that river, but that is a fisherman's story if I ever heard one!