Have You Ever Been Lonely? Really lonely? As I have lived most of my life as a single man, I've had plenty of chances to feel lonely. Usually I've had friends or family around and I'm not a negative complainer (my analysis).
In 1975 I made a solo trip around the world and it was a wonderful experience overall, but a couple of times I found myself wondering--"Why am I here" or "This is an awful situation" I arrived in Istanbul, Turkey mid winter, icy cold, and snow swirling. I stayed in a cheap hotel (of course) with very little heat. I could not identify with the natives and the language barrier was formidable. "This is an awful situation". Later that year I landed in Seoul, Korea. All over Asia--Thailand, Phillipines, Burma, Hong Kong, Japan, and Rep. of China--I got lots of smiles and interest, but not Korea. Maybe it is because the G Is were there in great numbers a decade before. Anyway the only very friendly people were shills trying to run some con on a tourist. "What am I doing here?"
These times were candidates for most lonesome, but another time and place was the obvious winner. My lonesomest time was New Years Eve in 1956. The Place--Paris, France. Uncle Sam had called me to active duty in the Air Force earlier in the year after my graduation from Vet School. I was shipped to my duty station in Chateauroux, France. I made friends, and was enjoying this new place--just having a ball. Then Christmas came. The first one that must spend away from home. It was tough, I had friends but I needed family. A few days later here came the New Year. I resolved to go to Paris and live it up. Just me--I'd make the Frenchmen like me. I settled on the left bank and started circulating, trying to find an interesting venue. I still don't know how the French celebrate the new year, I only know when the countdown came I was in a dismal tavern, knew nobody, and no one cared. I just went back to my hotel defeated and head bowed. A very low point for sure. From then on things looked up. I thoroughly enjoyed my three years in France and my year in Paris.
Now I've let you into a private place in my life (defeat isn't easy to admit)so now let me hear a few comments about your low point/lonely time.
6 comments:
Don, most likely you have touched upon an exposed nerve that all of us possess. Thank you for allowing us to know you a bit better and to recognize a degree of brotherhood.
One of the times that I experienced loneliness was in San Antonio, Texas. Being transported via rail from Kansas City to Lackland Air Force Base to begin my service career found a night time arrival. Rather unfriendly folks directed us to a barracks and mentioned sternly that if we as much as moved a muscle as we bunked down ... we would be shot.
My first thought was, "what have I done ... why did I enlist?" Well, no ... my first thought was "muscles, don't move"! Then my third thought was, "here I am with quite a few other individuals but I'm lonely, scared, and I wish I was home".
This example doesn't do justice to yours, Don. Perhaps my real loneliness in life is being unable to express myself and/or reveal my person to those who (to me) are important. Being unable to communicate those sometimes rather basic feelings and/or perhaps feeling that the person(s) really isn't interested ... leaves me quite lonely.
Sadly for the most part ... that internal loneliness has lasted a lifetime.
In earlier years I did quite a bit of travel alone in Europe and I know that feeling of being in a country where few speak your language and no one cares. To be at one of the most beautiful places on earth and have no one to share it with is a very lonely experience.
Well Phil, I wouldn't know why you feel you can't communicate. I think you are a very, very good communicator. Your blog entries never leave any doubt about what you want to say. They are always well crafted, entertaining, and well received. Are you thinking your verbal skills are lacking? You DID sell insurance for awhile didn't you?
Gary, the last sentence of your comment says a lot. I just couldn't find those words.
What a brave, and powerful piece you created. We live in a society where we bury our feelings and hide them. When in truth, we all share them, just not with each other. I have learned that being with someone does not been a lack of loneliness, it can actually be the most painful loneliness. And there is another side, when your child does or says something that is so precious, and there is no one to share the moment with, a sharp pain goes through the heart. Reading your piece is very healing. Thank you. Iris
After my wife of 42 years died, I had plans to do a lot of traveling, after all, I had nothing to bind me to the home any longer. On the first little trip, I drove to a beautiful little city in north-west NM and stopped at a Super-8 Motel for the night. It was a lovely motel with all the luxuries, but as soon as I stepped into that lonely room, I broke down and cried like a baby. I could not stop. I have not done any traveling since, and do not plan any. I can certainly see where you are "coming from".
Well, i remember lonely.
Yet, I talked to lonely one day, and that caused it to say, "if you're feeling that lonely, go across the street and help some one who is feeling more lonely than you!"
So, if i am ever lonely again, I look across the street, and say something, do something, smile something, that will make his/her day begin a little brighter! When i do that, life seems a little less lonely, it seems full of life!
Life is not being alone. It's being alone with LIFE!!!!
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